Little Scorpio Girl.

Little Scorpio girl,
Why are you so sad?
Does life treat you different?
Why do you seem scared?
Don't ever think you're lonely,
Recall all the friends you had-
Write a piece of memoir
Of good times and the bad.

Little Scorpio girl,
Why do u always run?
Fleeing reality's realm,
When there's so much you've won.
You've got so much passion
Locked away from the sun.
Cloaked in music, books, art,
Your journey's just begun.

Little Scorpio girl,
Don't judge yourself so,
You're bathed in love and laughter
Every cell, from head to toe.
If people do not see that,
Its better to just let go.
Look to your heart for answers,
It always intuitively knows.

Little Scorpio girl,
Don't be jealous, paranoid,
Do you really love another,
Or are you merely filling a void?
If he loves you back, be merry,
If not, don't be annoyed.
Be proud of what you stand for
And the freedom you enjoy.

Little Scorpio girl,
Stop trying to control,
Every complex situation,
Obstacles to your goal.
You know the game, you play it well,
So why worry if it burnt a hole?
One day you will shine,
For you're made of an Iron soul.

Little Scorpio girl,
All the knowledge you acquire,
Will be with you till the end,
Don't give up, don't tire.
Everytime you feel low
All you need is a small reminder.
Hold your head up high,
Embrace the world, for "I Desire."

How Reality killed the Disney Princess

The Disney Love Story-Once upon a time, in Far-far-away Land lived a charming, handsome Prince with a beautiful White Horse. He had everything he ever needed but was cursed to an Eternity of Loneliness. One glorious summer day he happened to rescue a Fair Maiden. They fell in love, his curse was lifted and they Lived happily ever after...  Oh and, I forgot to mention that they rode away towards the horizon in their White Wedding finery amidst cheering crowds on that beautiful White Horse before the sign "The End" appears on screen..!
Reality's Love Story-You're at a party and you meet some one new. Girl thinks, "Hey this guy seems way better than the jerks I've dated." Guy thinks, "Not bad, we have a lot in common." This leads to an add on Facebook, swapping of numbers, a date, a relationship, followed by an awkward, "This is not working out.. You deserve someone better.. We're not meant to be.." conversation. If a couple still manages to get past that, there are parents and society not being ok with it! So the unhappy couple part ways and the cycle starts again, but this time, with a different person..
As a little girl, I pictured myself living a modern day version of the Disney dream. Fairytales.. *sigh..* Disney always had those things called Happy Endings.. Wonder whatever happened to that rare commodity now! Does Prince Charming exist? Is Magick extinct? Somewhere down the lane I realized that continuing to exist in that world of naivety was a recipe for heartbreak.
When we were kids, they gave us Hope. They said that one day you will find your Soulmate and you will have your very own happy ending. They didnt tell us that Prince Charming may like that other girl. They didnt tell us that with all that good food Princess Belle put on a few extra pounds. They didnt tell us that Cinderella wasnt allowed to wed the Prince cos they werent of the same caste/religion. So much for the honesty!!
Do Fairytales come true?? There might for a lucky few for whom they do. But they're the Exception! We aren't a part of that exception. For us mortals, life, as a rule, seems to follow the Murphy's Laws- If something can ever go wrong, It Will!!
In conclusion, Is living in the Disney world worth all the vulnerability and inevitable heartbreak? Or should we harden ourselves to face Reality and miss out on all that glorious love that could someday be possible?
Nah.. I dont think I could ever be that cynical. I Believe. I Hope. I Love. I Live..

VS

Reality???!

Learning and Unlearning

Why the sudden urge to write, after so many years of the pen and paper lying idle? What is this that drives me to put my thoughts between these pages?
For one, there's Change. The only constant in life is change. This change hasn't always been for the better. There are so many regrets, so many moments written off in the past as Fate, so many faces and places lost in the memory, yet so many of them too hard to let go.
My childhood, my Wonder Years. Growing up without a care in the world. The greatest dilemma being which flavour of ice cream to have for dessert. Life was simple, then life changed. Evolution, growing up, becoming more responsible, independence, whatever else it may be called, the fact still remains. In time, we learn. Life lessons imprinted on the mind. Footsteps on a seashore that leave a mark, only to be washed away and remade. Constantly learning and unlearning. Swinging back and forth like an Old Clock's pendulum.
Who am i really? An optimist, a pessimist, a cynic, a believer, the friend and lover or a soul imprisoned behind frozen walls? Facing an identity crisis as I'm forced into corners and made to relearn thinking processes just because I woke up one day and realized that the World isn't what I thought it to be.
Like fuel to an emblazoned fire, there are all these clashing thoughts! I've always wanted to be free and not be tied down by any mortal force. I am also seeking this permanence, be it with friends, family or love. But is it possible to Love so dearly yet be free enough to just get up and leave?
Detachment was my only weapon when it came to dealing with the world. No, I'm not a loner. I like people, as long as there is a certain invisible distance between me and the rest. The Heavy Curtain hung separating the girl that every one knew and the girl locked up inside the heart never to be revealed. I was scared that if people saw the real me, they may not like what they see.
Of late, I let my guard down, enough to let a certain few look behind that curtain. Surprisingly, they did not run. They were not scared or let down or more importantly, they did not judge.
But is this risk worth taking? Is it really worth trusting? Trust-an emotion that was as foreign to me as living in an Igloo. But here I am, caring, loving and trusting. Feeling open, disarmed and vulnerable. Reading my Dusty Old Journals i realized it was something I longed and hoped for back then. Now that i have it all, why does it scare me? What is it i fear?


(an extract from the first page of my Journal)

Run

Is there a place far away,
A place where i could live someday?
Far from the crowded, maddened streets,
Escape this horrid, scorching heat,
A place where grass is always green,
With air so fresh, crisp and clean,
A place where I'm more than just a face,
A plain ol' name, running the race,
Where i know that people are genuine,
Not thinking of ends before they begin,
Don't want to continue this mundane existence,
Without a sense of independence,
Don't want to be a part of the Ton,
Without turning back, wish i could just Run..

Obsession

Watching through lenses,

The pictures do not lie,

Transformation in many forms,

As time steadily flies.

When there was unrest,

Preferred to hide.,

Seeking shelter in mundane vocation,

Rather than cry.

Reality through fogged glasses,

Dreams of clear skies,

Those cocoons of comfort,

Bore moths, not butterflies.

It was easier to submit,

Why the fight?

“Obsessions can destroy you,

Eat you from inside,

Chains that imprison, enslave,

No matter what you try.

My only plea-

Wish this Insanity goodbye!”

She stared into me,

Those hollow, haunted eyes,

Obsession had won.

She replied-

“Kill my passion, slay my soul,”

Alas, there she died…

Behind the Mask

A fully bloomed rose outside,
A withering lily inside,
A smile on her lip, a sparkle in her eye,
A cry in her mind, a tear in her heart.

Everyone likes her for who she is,
Joyful company and fun she is.
But no one understands her real core,
Her life’s not gold, but it is an ore.

A free bird ready to fly,
If she was so, she’d now be in the sky,
A caged heart, and anguished mind,
Fed up of pleasing and being kind.

Her life is envied by one and all,
Jealousy, Expectations, Pride and Falls-
These fill up her life and make it dark.
Her life’s not the moon, but d black velvet around.

Wallowing in self pity when she’s alone,
Partying and laughing with both friends and foes,
Here is an example whose life’s a mist,
She is on her quest to find hope, joy and bliss..


(one of my much older works that i recently stumbled upon)

My Dying Love

My Dying Love don’t you pray for me,
There’s no such thing as immortality,
There was you, then there was me in pain,
Hurt, Battered, bruised in hopeless disdain,
No secret smiles, no love so deep,
Could make up for all the tears I weep.

My Dying love, there you lay,
Amidst the cold and dark enslaved,
The heart that once beat
in tune with mine now pierced.
As I walk away I will not cry,
Your serpent tongue bled me dry.

I try and reach out to you once more,
Then I realize you’re no more.

Though once bitten shy twice,
Crawled to the altar of sacrifice,
Endured driving you in your hearse,
Your lifeless body, much less the curse,
But was easier than tormented moments,
With you in the flesh and so alive.

Sickened by you,
Believed your ruse,
Now crowded pews,
Singing funeral tunes.

As I walk away I will not cry,
Your serpent tongue bled me dry.

Memories

Yesterdays are gone, tomorrow is new,
But we can still hold on to memories though few.
Reminisce about those time in a better view,
Until your heart breaks in two.
One half says "Smile", one half blue,
Neither condescending nor remotely new.
What happened to those you thought you knew?
Why did they have to leave without a clue?
The reasons may still remain askew,
Those days so painful, hurt so true,
But you move on, see life in a different view,
The sky turns a different shade and hue.
All you have left is a memory or two-
This is what builds a stronger You.

My Artwork. I call it "DUALITY"

Jaded Me

Forgotten is the Little Girl,
Who played among flowers and trees,
Replacing the little girl,
Was a lonely heart, a Jaded Me.

Curiosity filled her soul,
She wanted to be free,
But that was long ago,
All that’s left is an anguished plea.

I don’t recall laughing so hard,
Laughing so whole heartedly,
Fed up of everything in and around,
What has Life left to offer me?

When did the Little Girl die?
Why do I feel so empty?
The little Ballerina had grown cold,
Immunized the heart from misery.

But I guess it simply suits me well,
To steer clear of any stormy sea.
Forgotten pasts buried deep inside,
Life lessons offered by Memories.

I don’t need another human,
Offering perpetual company,
I’m sure I’ll be just fine,
Though a lonely heart, a Jaded Me.

Ruby Slippers

If only I could click my Ruby Slippers,
Or find another way to get closer,
To a place of peace and laughter,
I can’t wait much longer.

I live in a world of black and white,
Everyday, surviving is a fight.
In the midst of many worries, strife,
Is this what has become of my life?

Where there are shadows there’ll be light,
A place where I’d truly sleep at night,
Rather than drowning in my plight,
When everything is unconditionally right.

I bought freedom at a price too high,
I have forsaken it all to live in a lie.
With nothing left to call mine,
Except this inner anguished cry.

Within four walls buried by tomes,
Here rots my corpse deep in soil and loam,
Is there anyway I can break this dome?
Surely, “There’s No Place Like Home“.

A Withering Old Tree

Lofty, yet frail,
A Withering Old Tree,
Stands alone on an Island,
In the midst of a sea.

Lo! There it stood!
Nowhere to go.
It saw a storm approaching,
Adding to perennial sorrow.

The patter of a drizzle,
Turned into a pouring rain,
The weeping Hosts of Heaven,
Cried out in anguished pain!

Thunder follows Lightening,
Lightening preceded Fire.
Three of its branches,
To the flame it surrenders.

Why does it hurt?
Why does it pain?
Is there any way,
To numb its burning veins?

Should the Tree live?
Or should it just die?
Or is there anywhere,
It can run and hide?

Then came a silence,
It could hear its own breath,
But the icy touch of loneliness,
Was as cold as a corpse in death.

Not so Lofty anymore,
The Withered Old Tree,
Stood charred and beaten,
Desiccated by World’s cruelty.

On East’s horizon,
The Sun did rise.
Above the clouds,
It shone, shedding its disguise.

At the first ray of hope,
The Tree sighed in relief,
It shook off the scorched skin,
And underneath rose a young, green leaf…

Unsure

I’ve been dead,
I’ve been revived,
And a lot of things have gone through my mind.
But I’m still learning,
To be strong.
I’ve been cursed,
I’ve been blessed,
A lot of times before,
But one thing I still don’t know,
Is my life worth much more?

Ch:
Will my heart ever concede,
To what my head wants to say?
Will the soul not move on,
If life wanted to stay?
Where do I find the answers,
To the questions that life puts forth,
When will I know for certain,
When will I be Unsure?

I am lost,
I am found,
A part of me is still wandering,
Alone in the wilderness,
On my own.
I do weep,
I do cry,
That’s something no one knows,
When my heart was about to break,
It was a smile that I wore.

Ch.

Bridge:
I still need an inner peace,
I can’t rest when I try to sleep,
I could not see the light
In the tunnel in my darkest night.
I still need to know the truth,
The secret to the mysteries of life,
Why do I want to know,
About things I can always ignore?

Where do I find the answers,
To the questions that life puts forth,
When will I know for certain,
When will I be Unsure?

Emancipate

Emancipate me, set me free.
Don’t need these shackles of society.
Please release me from these chains,
I don’t stand to lose or gain.
Awaken in me a sense of self,
Don’t want to be some timid elf.
In life’s grave I’ve been lain,
Hurt and torn by innate pain.
Couldn’t take it, so decided to leave,
But still, for the rest of you I grieve.
Why continue in this foolish stage show,
When in misery we move to and fro?
Emancipate me, set me free,
No more a slave to society.

A Minute Before

Time is not always a friend,
In time would ur wounds mend?
Fate isn’t always kind.
Can you leave the past behind?
You’ve known her for longer,
Your heart still wanders,
To memories that linger,
Of you and her together.

Would you have loved me more,
Or stab my heart with a knife,
Had I met you a minute before,
The moment she entered your life?
Would you have chosen me, wherefore,
Put an end to my inner strife,
Had you seen me a minute before,
The moment she entered your life?

Yes, she looks lovely,
Yes, she is very pretty,
She may also smile sweetly,
But she’ll never love you completely.
Are you so blind not to perceive,
That you are a part of me?
I’d love you endlessly,
But she’s still all that you can see.

Leaving no space for me,
She filled up your heart.
But will we ever be-
Now that you’re apart?

(...Of being in love with a person whose heart is lost in the past..)

Always There For You

It hurts to see you sad,
In times when things go rough,
I know not what to say or do,
But all I can say to you,
Is that I’ll always be your friend,
Stay with you till the end,
When times get rough, and things go wrong,
Don’t be afraid, please stay strong,
This may not be a perfect song,
But I’m always there for you.

I may not say the right words,
To mend your broken heart,
I know you’re upset and all alone,
Feeling shattered, felling torn,
Remember you have friend,
Willing to stay till the end,
If you ever need a shoulder to cry on,
Someone who’s there, be it dusk or dawn,
One who stays when the rest are gone,
I’m always there for you.

I can see your eyes cloud,
Hear the sadness in your voice,
It hurts - yes, I know
But please don’t feel so low.

(....For a Friend experiencing the unpleasant sides of Life...)

I Have Sinned

I have seen things I shouldn’t have seen,
I’ve been to places I shouldn’t have been,
I have said things I didn’t mean,
Our Father, Who art in Heaven- I have sinned

Your Commandments, I have not kept,
For the sick, poor and dying I have not wept,
While there was turmoil and confusion I’ve slept,
Our Father, Who art in Heaven- I have sinned

I have cheated, hurt and lied,
Many secrets I still, in my heart, hide,
Back to my old habits I still do slide,
Our Father, Who art in Heaven- I have sinned

For all the things I’ve done I regret,
But none of these things can I ever forget,
Seeing the scars left, I cry and fret,
Our Father, Who art in Heaven- I have sinned

But this life has left me tired and weak,
From above the Angels look down and weep,
They shed for me some tears so sweet,
Our Father, Who art in Heaven- I have sinned

The things I’ve done I can not undo,
Though from all the evil I withdrew,
I hope I can start again, a life new,
But Our Father, Who art in Heaven- Forgive my sins.

Get a Life, Stay out of Mine!

I'm not the perfect daughter,
I'm not a perfect friend,
I may not love him forever,
And stay with him till the end.
But why search for perfection,
When life is full of flaws?
I now beg for redemption,
Bring peace to my inner wars.

But why do you brand me as "bad"?
How can you be so mean?
You're sometimes making me so mad,
Thanks to you, my name's unclean.
Do you realize I'm a better person,
Than you can ever dream of being.
Situations, you always worsen,
With the rumours you are spreading.

Get a life!
Please stay out of mine,
My life is not thine.
Hypocrites,
You're getting out of line,
Without you, I'll be just fine.

A second chance, everyone does deserve.
A chance to change, chance to live,
A stilled tongue for me reserve.
But that i know you'd never give.

No More Punching Bag!

How many times have you been "at the top of the world" and then had your mood deflated like a tyre over a sharp nail? All because the one you wanted to share your joys with was cheesed off at something or the other.. Result: You're a target to cynical comments and sarcasm. You're put down. Your mood hits an all time low. Then you go about spreading the bad karma to everyone around you through more cynical comments n sarcasm.. No wonder Bob Marley sang "So much trouble in the world.." What ever happened to making heaven on earth?! But most people put up with everyone else's behaviour. They absorb the verbal blows directed at them and channel them as not-so-constructive thoughts. They end up blaming themselves for everything, both small and gigantic. Result: Guilt, self-hatred, depression. The Punching Bag is worn out! This punching bag attitude is seen everywhere- in your workplace, home, classes, social gatherings, why, even in places of worship! It virtually impossible to tell a person to stop throwing punches at those around! So what is the only other alternative? STOP BEING THE PUNCHING BAG!!! You do not deserve such treatment, no matter what! Begin to love yourself. Only this can enable you to open up to greater love. Giving and receiving. But if the person continues to treat you like the punching bag, Move On! They do not deserve you.. I can not assure you of a pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow. But i can assure you that, this way, instead of being bound by the confines of a bad relationship, you are now left with hope. Hope leads to planning and implementing actions leading to a brighter future. You now have a wide, bright road ahead. Result: A Flower Child's motto- Love and Peace!

Perfect Little Universe

What do I look for? What do I feel I should have in order to make my life complete? Honest answer- I DON'T KNOW! All I know is that this feeling, an emptiness that persists around me, is strong enough to choke the air out of my lungs!!! I guess it's just that cliche "Searching for something you can't find". Why can't life just come with a Users' Manual or something? Or Someone calling you one fine morning and says "Follow the White Rabbit..."! Don't get me wrong.. I'm not searching for love, money or fame. Excessively passionate love scares me; i live within my means; I'm pretty well-known in my circles. I guess I'm looking for "a moment".. A moment where you are genuinely happy. A moment when you don't have to care about anything or anyone. A moment where you don't have to count the seconds before it ends(like it always does).. Hmmm... So to refine the search, i guess I'm searching for stable happiness.. But is that possible? Can there ever be something called stable happiness? Ice creams are good. You could possibly love ice creams to a point bordering on insanity. But no one could eat that 24-7, 365 days for all ETERNITY, right? This is what makes us all human. Even though we get exactly what we want, we wouldn't want it forever. We find ourselves stuck in a rut. What do we then? Where do we head from there? Growing up you wanted a shiny red bicycle. Later, you wanted that bike. Now you drive a car. Rut Hit! So what next? Flying lessons? White river rafting? Of cos u are happy with your car! You wipe it everyday or pay a driver to do that, service it regularly and do the needful. But does it still hold the same charm it held the first day you drove it into your drive way? Things eventually loose their magic. But what saddens me is to see people walking around, carrying on with their lives, knowing they've hit a rut in the form of routine, routine and routine. Wake up in the morning with a spouse u've been married to for years, eat a "fat-free" breakfast, head to Ur workplace, receive and respond to the same greetings you hear day-in and day-out, slog through work, a different day, same faces and places....... life goes on. Yet they are afraid to admit to themselves, let alone anyone else, that they need to break free. The need to experience things better, that make you feel Alive, rather than reminisce about "those good old days" in a quiet moment. It scares them to make changes in their "perfect little universe" not realizing that beyond it there may be a sky more blue. Go out and start Living you Zombies! You are no robot programmed into this routine. What's the point of working so hard to just find yourself in an old age home one day, regretting the things you missed out on in life cos you've been "too busy"??!